The first phase of grief is done alone. The initial shock of the experience takes a little to sink. It almost caused me waves. While I was shopping one day, I had a breakdown. It struck me at one time that I was shopping. My little basket looked so empty.
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I lost all desire to eat. Hunger physically hurts, but not when you feel that the emotional foundation has dissolved beneath you. He trembles and wakes at the same time. I have never felt so connected to our Creator. The energy of Christ filled me and made all the limbs shiver as the spirit of Mom passed through the veil. It opened just as it did when the baby was born and covered the room with a calm aura.
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I also felt a peculiar tide throughout my body, which eventually erupted beyond the crown of my head. I settled down and soon realized the brilliant energy, so I quickly climbed out of bed. On my knees I lifted the palms of my hands up and took whatever I could.
Slowly and loudly I recited the Lord’s Prayer as if my ears had never heard it. Each word resonated intensely with a new meaning. I told myself “Ours” and realized that it was so important to understand that we were a destined family. At 7 billion, we illuminate the world with our combined spiritual energy.
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Nobody chooses to be in grief. Sometimes events happen from back to back. I lost my house in a fire and then faced the mental-bending losses of 4 family members in the back. My younger sister, who was 44, was a shock; her husband, who died a year later at 44, was even more of a shock. A routine cardiac procedure led to his unexpected death.
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My grandmother Rose’s passing was not a shock to 95, but the weather was funny. I didn’t even travel to Medina, Ohio, for her service, as I was homeless without a fire and just opened the Pandora’s box called alcoholism completely.
Before Mom died, she said, “You have been grieving for Susan for too long. (It was as if I had a choice.) It has been exactly 90 days today when she died in my arms and I remember every moment as if it had just happened.
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Some of the more abrasive visualizations have faded. I don’t need to see another coroner retrieve another body in my life. It’s as usual for them, but when it’s your mother, it’s ice water in your face.
The cop stood on my right and when I saw Mom’s corpse being carried over the coroner to a stretcher waiting in the kitchen, my knees arched. I leaned against the wall, but I was too far from it. The young blond officer who appeared after the arrival of the hospice staff caught my fall. I would hit the ground since I was about two meters from the wall.
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A few days after the Air Force mom’s funeral service, that same officer felt bad when he presented me with an expulsion notice. Two family members canceled everything Mom built over the years in a few short weeks. Her animals were separated and scattered. I was so glad Mom didn’t have to see some of her favorite rescue dogs put in kennel cages. They came from there.
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The wisest thing I did to deal with the intense, life-stopping anguish was to reach out. I went to mom’s former nursing home every day for almost 6 weeks. Sometimes, twice a day. As my spiritual partner Willie enchanted nurses and endless residents, I listened to advice from people who had lived for nearly a century.
One lady shared, this is not what you had; what you have left. & # 39; And I have 55 years of memories of reflection and an amazing spiritual experience just to show. I have been blessed over the years, over time; I was blessed with increased faith directly from OUR Father.