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Unbelief – from doubt to proof

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Who hasn’t read, at one time or another, statistics on the prevalence of infidelity? Who among us, if ever, doubts our wife, hasn’t slipped on one of the thousands of “Cheating Husband Signs” lists that are so prevalent on the Internet these days?

You never have a face for statistics. They are based on the numbers of other people involved. And the “Signs of a Cheating Husband” in itself prove nothing. What we don’t find, read or hear much about is the following. “What should I do if I suspect my wife is cheating?”

As a private detective who has worked with thousands of people over the years, many of whom have been linked to suspicions of their infidelity, I would like to suggest just a few suggestions.

Keep it open. Most of the “telling” signs of a cheating spouse on the Internet today can be fairly explained by cases that have nothing to do with the case. Even seemingly corrupt evidence can sometimes be substantiated. In one case, my husband found another man’s underwear in his drawer and was stabbed because of his wife’s alleged infidelity. In the end, it turned out that the underwear belonged to my client’s mother-in-law, who had spent the evening at the couple’s house last weekend.

In my own practice, I found that at least 25% of my clients made mistakes about their suspicions. These were clients who were relatively confident about the case before hiring me. From time to time, I find that the “other woman” is actually a chair in a local pub, a friend that the wife does not want her husband to hang out with, or even from a local place. casino On other occasions, the “cheating spouse” is not found to be cheating, but is going to leave the marriage altogether.

Or you may need to dispel your doubts so that your mind rests, you need to do it with an open mind.

Don’t confront your wife. Confrontation, without evidence, serves no purpose. Think about it for a minute. A man who is ready to cheat on his wife is probably the one who lied about it when he asked. At the same time, no one is going to admit a job they don’t have. The answer will be the same in both scenarios. “No, honey, I don’t care.” Confrontation only serves to inform your wife that you are in doubt. If your spouse cheats, your confrontation will only damage your ability to conduct a significant investigation into the future.

Save the confrontation when you know the truth.

Act normally. None of us think about taking for fools, and our females often demand that we stand up and declare: “I am not an idiot. I know what you’re doing. ” But, as with the above-mentioned confrontation, such a statement only serves to warn the deceiver that you have become suspicious. This, in turn, will make it harder to prove who the relationship is, as your spouse is more likely to try to hide his or her activities. The best thing for you, as long as you are interested in reaching your suspicions, is to play the role of a fool. Smile – be charming (if that’s not normal for you) – be yourself. You want your wife to think you don’t expect anything in return.

If, like many people, you just can’t hide your frustration during this time of emotional turmoil, consider offering a reasonable explanation for your behavior (eg, “Oh, it’s just that I’m stressed about work, that’s all.” ):

Be selective with whom you share your doubts. During this time of emotional turmoil, you may feel the need to talk to someone who is sympathetic to your concerns. This is a normal, natural need and can be a healthy way out of your stress. But keep in mind that people tend to have relationships with people they meet in their normal daily lives, such as a colleague at work, the next doorkeeper, a best friend’s husband, your best friend, sisters of the same sex, and so on. For this reason, it is absolutely imperative that you do not share your doubts with anyone who may be part of the problem. I instruct all my clients. “Tell the whole world that you hired a penitentiary when I’m done, but keep quiet until then.” I’ve ruined a lot of cases because of clients who trusted the wrong person.

If you absolutely have to share your concerns with others, do so with another friend, a trained counselor, or someone else who has been fired so far (preferably geographically) that they may not have been involved. But keep in mind that this person is likely to need someone to tell them they trust them. And that person will need to tell someone that they trust them and so on. Be very careful about who you trust in the end.

Evaluate your relationship. You will probably find yourself asking quite difficult questions throughout this discovery. I would suggest including: “What do I really want for this relationship?” in your list of questions.

Too often, people are so overwhelmed by the prospect of being a “victim” of infidelity that they never stop thinking about whether or not they can actually end their marriage or relationship. This is no more obvious to me than when I receive a call from an angry woman who spends time with her on the phone, lamenting that her husband “… is a liar, cheating, good for nothing, sociopathic loss. It’s always been too much to discuss the doubts about his infidelity. Other times, I am asked to supervise the groom just before the wedding. My question is always: “If you have to rent a penitentiary to find out if your fiancé is cheating on you, why are you getting married in the first place?”

Make your decisions based on what you want to have in your relationship, not on the fact that you may be a victim of infidelity. Ask yourself: “Whether or not my husband cheats on me, do I want to be with this man?”

Prepare yourself for what may happen. You can be 100% faithful to your marriage, even if you eventually find out that your wife or husband is having sex, but that doesn’t mean your wife is just as faithful. There are two ways to get married, and if your spouse is in a relationship, you can reassure yourself that this is most likely due to some unfulfilled needs from the marriage that your spouse may not be interested in resolving with you.

Just because you’re not interested in getting divorced or divorced right now doesn’t mean your wife isn’t there. I have seen more than a few “subjects” who were actively preparing for life after marriage (for example, opening separate bank accounts, looking for an apartment, etc.). Now may be a good time to take some drastic steps to get the results you want.

Think for a while about copying the address book, copying documents, taking photos at home, just open a credit card in your name, just open a check or savings account in your name, enter the passwords with your password. or online accounts, copy cherished negative faces, photos, etc. Most of these documents, including photos, can be placed on a single CD and must be stored outside the seat you share with your wife. If you are thinking about this, many of these steps are steps that you should have taken a long time ago to prepare for a house fire that could have happened to any of us.

Here is a word of warning. Don’t take it. The courts generally look unfriendly to those who go so far as to delete utility checks and savings accounts, change door locks, or otherwise deprive the other spouse of the spouses and property of divorce. Plus, you’ll be getting rid of clutter you don’t need. You’re just trying to be ready if your wife or suddenly: unilaterally ends the relationship for the two of you.

Examine the laws. Most of the people who require my surveillance services do so out of “need to know.” They already know (or believe they know) because of the “not guilty” laws of my state that the courts will not grant them a big screen TV and a nice sofa / love seat combination if they can only prove that their husband is working. However, this does not always negate the need for their legal advice.

If you decide to divorce (or work against your marriage), or if you just want to know how to get paid, if your wife has to make that decision for you, you may want to take this opportunity: Divorce to do. laws in the country where you live. How will the property be divided? This will generally help your case if you can show that your wife or husband is involved. Who will most likely receive child custody? As for spousal or child support issues.

You can do some of this in-depth research for free without ever leaving your home. There is a lot of information on the Internet at your disposal, just by typing “divorce” or “child custody” in your favorite search engine (for example, “Minnesota divorce” or “child custody Minnesota”) on behalf of your state. Of course, this research should only be considered “preliminary”. Sit down and talk to a lawyer if you think you can finally make a decision (or your wife can make a decision) to move on to the end of the marriage.

Gather evidence. Now it’s time to start documenting your evidence of a possible case and making notes about your suspicions. Think of it as either writing things down or entering details into a password-protected document on your computer. Do not rely on your memory.

I do not recommend that anyone who actually goes out and tries to conduct an independent investigation or control, these are very good reasons for your professional investigator. But now is the time to mark the timing of suspicious activity dates and dates, strange phone numbers on caller IDs or cell phone stories, inconsistencies between real-time readings and “round-the-clock” readings before the husband’s place of work, etc. , you should also keep notes of times and events that are not suspicious to you. For example, while you may believe that your wife is going on a business trip to another country next Wednesday, it doesn’t have to be that way. Only after full disclosure of the case will some of these other details be considered in a different light.

Now it’s time to gather other details that may be helpful to the detective if you decide the exam becomes necessary. This information may include your spouse’s job, employer’s address, model number for your spouse’s car, names and addresses of your spouse’s friends and family, your spouse’s photos or jpg, whose name and details you think your wife can see (ie address, vehicle information, etc.). Don’t wait until the last minute to start collecting these facts. You want to start collecting them now so that they are ready to move forward if necessary.

Consider hiring a licensed private investigator. Whether you choose to hire a private detective, it should be based on a number of different factors, the least important of which is your psychological “need to know” to allow the investigator to document your ability and the need for a licensed specialist. Evidence to prosecute.

Avoid the temptation to try to push your wife back. Even with 20+ years of experience, I would be the last person to try to get my wife back if I thought she was related. I had to rent another penitentiary to do that for me. This is partly due to the fact that none of us is invisible. When you follow someone in the car, you inevitably find yourself right next to them when they stop at a traffic light. Get ready for your wife to wave as she looks in the mirror to see who is in the car with them. A private detective can leave it by being in the car right behind him under a traffic light, and even, if necessary, even sitting on a bench next to her husband, as they are perceived by the cheating husband as “just another. Oe oh.

It’s a mistake to have a friend in a penitentiary. Contrary to many people’s beliefs, restraint is more than just sitting in a car for a few hours and then following a woman in the city. Cheating spouses are afraid of being caught, and many take steps to make sure they are not being followed. Your friend is unlikely to have the skills to keep in touch with your wife for a while, convincing her that they are not being followed. By taking action, you will jeopardize any further control (even by a professional), you will reveal to your wife that you are suspicious, and you may create some legal issues for you and your friend, depending on the laws of your state.

I am unlikely to be able to help you with your investigative needs as long as they are not controlled within Minnesota. However, you will most likely find a qualified and competent local investigator in your area if you are looking for time. Finding it can be as simple as opening your yellow page directory or searching for personal investigators online with your preferred search engine (for example, Minnesota Personal Detective, Private Investigator Minnapolis, etc.).

I would recommend that you choose an investigator from your area, not a national outfit that claims to have “investigators in your area.” Check to see if the spy agency has a local email address. You will do well to be licensed, connected and insured. And last but not least, the headline made you read this article.

Discuss it. If, for all your worries, you decide that your wife is not in a relationship (and I hope you do), you will spend the best part of the day reading online online legal sources, talking to the investigator. or two, copies of those important documents and photos that you should have copied long ago for unscrupulous reasons. At this point, you have redefined your relationship ցանկ the desire (or not) to make things work – the worst case scenario, trusting your friend or relative with unfounded suspicions. Now it’s time to get rid of these posts about your wife, cut out a penitentiary business card and an invoice (if you’ve been so far away), and tell your client to keep it with them. It’s time to dump her and move on.

For others, it’s time to dump her and move on. But do so only as long as there is no opportunity for further investigation or supervision.

Remember that when we encounter people, we often put them on the defensive. “What? You rented an office to come back to me. How dare you? ” This is usually due to the fact that the husband is a “guardian” and you do not know how to react to the fact that you know about the relationship. After all, you didn’t give any indication that you knew what was going on.

Some of my clients have reported being successful, forcing their husbands to accept the case, discussing infidelity “in fact” with you, in advance warning the fraudulent woman that the issue will be addressed in the near future.

The day you decide to discuss the matter with your wife, tell her: “I know your case. I want to work with you after that. ” Then drop it and walk away or hang. This gives your spouse time to think about how they are doing. Շատ դեպքերում նրանք կվերադառնան տուն և խոստովանելու են այնպիսի մի գործ, որին իրենք չէին ընդունի, եթե դիմադրություն ցուցաբերեն պատի դեմ: Որոշ խաբող ամուսիններ իրականում ազատվում են բռնելուց:

Մի բացահայտիր այն ամենը, ինչ դու գիտես: Իմ հաճախորդներից ոմանց համար գայթակղիչ են բացահայտել իմ քննչական զեկույցները ՝ լրացնելով տեսախցիկներով նկարահանված դեռևս պատկերներով իրենց ամուսնուն իրենց կնոջը ՝ գոռալով. «Նայեք սա»: Այնուամենայնիվ, սա վերջին բանն է, որ դուք պետք է անեք:

Կատարվում է քննչական զեկույց, որպեսզի ունենաք ապացույցներ, որոնք անհրաժեշտ են տեղեկացված որոշումներ կայացնելու համար: Պատրաստ չէ ձեր ամուսնուն ապացուցել, որ նա կամ ամուսնական կապ ունի: Ի վերջո, ձեր կինը արդեն գիտի, թե որոնք են փաստերը:

Երբ ինչ-որ մեկին պատմում ենք այն մասին, թե մենք ինչ գիտենք, մենք ակամայից ասում ենք նրան, թե ինչքան չգիտենք: Օրինակ ՝ եկեք ասենք, որ ձեր կնոջը դիմագրավում եք մեկ այլ տղամարդու հետ հյուրանոց մուտք գործելու տեսանկարահանմամբ, և քննչական եզրակացություն (առանց տեսանյութերի կամ դեռևս պատկերների), որը պատմում է իր ընթրիքը նույն տղամարդու հետ երկու շաբաթ առաջ: Այն, ինչ դու արդյունավետ ասում ես կնոջդ ՝ բացահայտելով այս ապացույցը, այն է, որ դու չգիտես, որ տղամարդը Բերմուդա ուղևորություն կատարելու մասին է, երբ ասաց, որ գործուղման է մեկնել Միննեապոլիս: Դու պարզապես նրան ասել ես, որ երկու շաբաթ առաջ ընթրիքից առաջ ապացույցներ չունես այդ հարաբերությունների մասին: Դու ասացիր նրան, որ ապացույցներ չունես այն մասին, որ նա ճաշելուց հետո մեքենայում է իր սիրեկանին համբուրելու համար: Դու ասացիր նրան, որ դու ոչ մի տեղեկություն չունես այն մասին, թե ինչպես է նա անցել օրն այս տղամարդու հետ հյուրանոցի մեկ օր առաջ ռեզիդենտ: Դու նրան ասացիր ՝ քարտերդ սեղանին դնելով, թե ինչքան չգիտես: Ի վերջո, եթե դուք գիտեիք այս մյուս փաստերը, ինչու՞ չհանդիպել նաև նրանց հետ: Որտե՞ղ են այդ փաստերը մանրամասն նկարագրող զեկույցները:

Վերոնշյալ հիպոթետիկ իրավիճակում քննչական զեկույցով զինված, կինը, ամենայն հավանականությամբ, ընթրիք է ընդունում իր պլատոնական «ընկերոջ» հետ և այն փաստը, որ նա իր հետ հյուրանոց է մտել երկու շաբաթ անց: Նա կարող է շատ լավ շարունակել բացատրել. «Բայց նա պարզապես ընկեր է: Մենք ոչինչ չենք արել, բացի խոսակցությունից: Նա անցնում է ծանր ժամանակ և նա ուզում էր ստանալ իմ խորհուրդները: Ես գիտեի, որ դուք չեք հասկանում, և որ դա Դուք վատ տեսք կունենաք, այդ իսկ պատճառով ես ձեզ չեմ ասել: Դուք չեք վստահում ինձ `դուք ինձ միշտ մեղադրում եք վատթարագույնի համար: Ի՞նչն է սխալ ձեզ համար, և բացի այդ` ինչպե՞ս եք համարձակվում PI վարձել, որպեսզի ներխուժի իմ գաղտնիությունը: համենայն դեպս »:

Ձեր ապացույցները պահեք ինքներդ ձեզ: Դա ձեր ապացույցն է, ոչ թե ձեր կինը »: Ձեր գիտելիքները ձեր ուժն են: Ձեր կինը, չգիտելով, թե որքան գիտեք, ձեր ուժն է: Փոխարենը հաշվի առեք (օգտագործելով վերը տրված հիպոթետիկ իրավիճակը) ձեր ամուսնուն ասեք նման մի բան, ինչպիսին է. «Սինդի, ես գիտեմ, որ Դենի հետ գործ ունես: Ինձ չի հետաքրքրում քննարկել, թե ես ինչպես գիտեմ, կամ որքան գիտեմ: Ես պետք է իմանամ `պատրաստ եք արդյո՞ք վերջ տալ այդ գործին և կաշխատեք այս ամուսնությունը, ինչը ձեզանից կպահանջի ամեն ինչ ինձ բաժանել, կամ կցանկանայիք թաքցնել մանրամասները և արդարացումներ անել, այդ դեպքում այդ ամուսնությունն է: վերջ, դուք ուզում եք ինձ պատմել այդ մասին »:

Թե ինչպես եք ընտրում կարգավորել ձեր սեփական առանձնահատուկ կասկածները, ի վերջո կախված կլինի ձեզանից: Թեև կարող եք լիովին մենակ զգալ, երբ պայքարում եք պատասխաններ գտնելու համար, հասկացեք, որ վերը տրված խորհուրդը գալիս է ոչ այնքան ինձանից, այլ անթիվ ուրիշներ `մարդիկ, ովքեր ինքներդ ձեզնից են, ովքեր եկել են ձեր առջև:

Հաջողություն.

Դուք կարող եք ազատորեն տպել այս հոդվածը ձեր սեփական կայքում `պայմանով, որ պատճենը (ներառյալ ակտիվ հղումները և այս պարբերությունը ներառյալ) ամբողջությամբ անպիտան թողնեք, և ներառեք ստորև նշված ռեսուրսների տուփը: Հակառակ դեպքում, բոլոր իրավունքները պաշտպանված են – Հեղինակային իրավունք 2009 Blue Heron Investigations

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